Ingredients

• 1 frozen piecrust
• 4 bananas
• 2 boxes vanilla pudding
• 4 cups milk
• 4 cups cream
• 1/2 cup sugar

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Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Poke holes in piecrust and bake for 10 minutes or until golden brown. Slice bananas. Check voice mail to see if he's called you. He hasn't. Prepare pudding according to package directions. Check voice mail again.
2. Place bananas in crust and cover with pudding. Pick up telephone to make sure the line isn't dead. It isn't.
3. In a large bowl, mix the cream and sugar. Whip with an electric mixer until thick and whippy. Call his house. When the wife answers, hang up quickly! Do not succumb to urge to tell her about the torrid but empty affair you are having with her husband. As tempting as it is, think of what it would do to the children. Top pie with whipped cream.
4. Go into bathroom, or to nearest mirror, and stare at your wretched self while repeating, "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot." Bring pie into bathroom and eat while staring at yourself in the mirror, so you can see just how disgusting you truly are.